Sunday, 28 November 2010

Celebrity bisexuals

In an age where every Gok Wan, Louis Spence and Stephen K. Amos is not a novelty, and we are no longer shocked by Sue Perkins, Jane Lynch and Wanda Sykes (I couldn't find any more lesbian celebrities who are British!) I see more media attention on bisexuals for being bisexual. Not a lot, but they have replaced articles about gays being gay.

This post was inspired by an article in the Sunday Times where I read the revelation (to me, that is) that D H Lawrence was bisexual.

Some celebrities who are out bisexuals include
Cynthia Nixon
Jessie J
Lady Gaga
Duncan James
Megan Fox
Giorgio Armani
Pete Burns
Alan Cumming
Anna Paquin
Drew Barrymore
Angelina Jolie
Andy Dick
David Bowie
Carol Ann Duffy
Craig Revel Horwood
Drea de Matteo

And those only rumoured to be (or may be those who have experimented/be bicurious) include
Lindsey Lohan
Errol Flynn
Kathy Najimy (look her up, you'll recognise her)
Dusty Springfield
Nelly Furtado
Florence Welch (Florence and the Machine)
Christina Aguilera
Hans Christian Anderson
Sammy Davis Jr
Freddy Mercury
Laurence Olivier
Robert Downey Jr

Monday, 22 November 2010

The wife of Ellen Degeneres

I read an article in The Times magazine about the wife of Ellen Degeneres, not because I care about them as celebrities, but simply because it was about a lesbian couple.

I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, the fact that I only read it for that and no other reason. I suppose it makes sense that I would read an article that has relevance to me, but I see it as indicative of why we LGBT+ struggle. We will never get to the point of being the same as the majority hetero, because being non-hetero is fundamentally being different, a minority. An article about lesbians will eventually become accepted, but always be an exception in a popular, mainstream magazine.

I don't let myself get sad about that. One day we will be accepted as easily as any other minority, like gingers, twins, and any number of other groups, I just can't think of them off the top of my head. I can think of lots of minorities that aren't accepted easily though, which is sad, but shows just how easily other minorities are accepted, so that they are not prominent enough for me to register.

Or something. I'm not sure if that makes sense. But anyway, we should shrive to gain that easy acceptance, but at the same time not get so caught up in a pessimistic contemplation on how the world doesn't work the way we want, because if you did that for everything, you'd never enjoy life, even as it is.

So being part of a minority is a chance to show the world that your life is going to happy and fulfilling, whatever gets thrown in your way, within the world you live in. And enjoy the exceptions in popular culture when they crop up.

Saturday, 13 November 2010

The Small Mention

The mention of your sexuality, even in a small way, can put an edge on a conversation. You may not be sure how the other person feels about non-heteros, or you may not have known them for long, or you may have a more formal relationship with them. In a relaxed environment with friends who accept you for who you are and embrace your sexuality as a way of life that is simply different to theirs, you can talk about same-sex ex's til kingdom come, but other times, it cools the air. Sometimes even in a friendly environment, they are all hetero and feel uncomfortable even if they have no problem with you being bi.

You probably didn't want to bring up bisexuality as a topic, or even draw attention to it. I find myself telling anecdotes as part of most conversations, and they may be about an ex-girlfriend, and I feel no shame about referring to her as 'my ex-girlfriend'. I feel like I'm lying, to them and to myself, if I call her anything different.

But the key is getting the balance, between being yourself and letting them save face. You need a bit of both, which isn't an alien concept of course. Don't emphasise the fact that the person you're mentioning is the same sex. Don't use phrases like 'because I'm bi', or 'being bisexual' or similar. But also don't mumble 'my ex-girlfriend', or whatever you would prefer to say. Say it, and move on with the point of the anecdote, or whatever the reason you're talking at all. It's their problem, and you only have an obligation to not insult them, not to pretend like theirs is an opinion you agree with.

It doesn't have to be hard. You don't lose anything, and while they may not be okay for a moment, it will pass and they can ignore it as they wish. If they bring it up, if they pick on it and start a conversation like that, it isn't your fault, so don't feel any blame.