Monday, 19 August 2013

The Gay Moralist

I don't know if you've ever encountered John Corvino "The Gay Moralist", but I hadn't until today when he popped up on my Youtube 'What to watch' recommended videos (based on what I have watched before). I thoroughly enjoyed the video I was recommended, so much so that I spent the entire morning going through his back catalogue of videos, and after I post this, I will get out some nail polish and sit down to watch his hour long lecture "What's Morally Wrong With Homosexuality?"

I wanted to pass on my recommendation to you, if you don't know him, to have a look at what he has to say. Yes, he's gay, but we won't hold that against him; like a lot of gay things, it is still relevant to us to engage with conversation about same-sex relations (even though we cannot conceive of only being attracted the just the same sex - weird). He's a philosophy professor, he is handsome and charming, very articulate, and simply likable. His humour is also topnotch, and he wrote a book with an anti-same-sex marriage campaigner, so he must have significant patience and a kind heart.

He even mentions us! This is the specific video that I'm going to post for your first dive into his style of vlogging:

Have look at it, and if you like it, I heartily recommend that you browse his channel to see if he covers any topics that take your interest. My goodness, do I wish my videos could turn out half so well - but of course, I'm a twenty-one year old student, and he's much more experienced and has a PhD, so duh!

Monday, 5 August 2013

Bi guy and a straight guy sit on a sofa

I just uploaded a video response to one of my favourite Youtubers, RJ, a bi man in a same-sex relationship who does a daily vlog with his boyfriend Will, to show that two men can have a completely normal life together - they are amazing, and entertaining, and I watch every day! They just moved into a place together, so there's been a lot of trips to Ikea, but they've also had a few friends round, and one is a straight guy, Chris, who is also a vlogger. On RJ's extra channel, he posted a conversation he had with their straight friend about bisexuality, and I found it so good I had to respond, and what I had to say wouldn't fit in a comment.

Go check out the original video :

and then my video response (it might not appear under RJ's until he approves it):

and tell me what you think in the comments - do you agree?

Friday, 2 August 2013

Talking about being bisexual with my parents - advice please!

I just had a majorly heated discussion in my kitchen with my parents and younger brother about my bisexuality.

This is major in itself, because they don't have conversations about sex and gender - I even started telling them about the spectrums of sex/gender/sexuality/gender expression! Think that blew their minds a little.

Anyway, my dad and I were the ones really going head to head. I was expressing my disappointment in him that he felt we needed to keep my bisexuality from his siblings and their kids - my aunts and uncles. He said he'd tell them when I had a girlfriend, because it was immaterial until then.

He said that in three years since my coming out, there has never been a moment in conversation with his siblings when it seemed the right moment to just mention it casually. I don't believe him, but he's sticking with it.

My brother then asked why I never came out to him. It was then that I really realised that, yes, what they were saying was true, it does feel like you're making a big deal out of it to tell people directly - but that's why coming out to your parents is a big deal, and that's why I was relying on them to pass it on in a less direct manner than a specifically convened time, like my coming out, to relevant family members, who they talk to relatively frequently.

I told my brother, 'I suppose I expected them to tell you'. I eventually had the courage about a year after coming out to them to specifically bring it up with him by saying "you know I'm bisexual right?" and I was shocked to find out that he knew from reading it on my Twitter profile!

Who is right? My father thinks it's none of their business, and even when I get a girlfriend, there's no need to specify, because one's sexuality is a private thing. If you do, you're ramming it down their throats and making a big deal.

I think sure, some people don't want to be particularly open about being a minority and just get on with their lives, and fair play to them, I've got no problem with them doing that. But I don't feel like that about my life; I don't want people to think I'm straight when there's opportunity to correct their assumption, because it's untrue, the same way I don't want them to think I'm anything else that I'm not.

And in my wider life, I want to enhance bi-visibility, and the way to do it in my intimate network of the family is be out and proud, which I don't think is shoving it down their throats. I don't think anyone is going to think my dad is making a big deal if, say, in conversation with his brother about my cousin's upcoming wedding, talk of my future wedding comes up, and he mentions that it might not be a man, and when his brother asks for clarification, dad tells him I'm bi.

And I'm not saying make my grandparents' lives difficult by telling them, because there isn't much point. It'll get sticky when I do bring a girl home, and I'll probably have to fight them about telling the grandparents then, but that's not the issue. Am I right to be disappointed that my dad has kept it from my family?

Please leave your thoughts in the comments.

Thursday, 1 August 2013

Is it worth it?

I promise this post is bisexuality-related, but let me lay out some context.

On July 12th I finished my second year of my three year degree course in stage management. I went home, and spent a week working as the stage manager for a kid's holiday drama club. I then went to Bath for a few days to see my friend who's working at the university over the summer. The day after I got back, I drove across the country for an interview. I spent the entire of Sunday at church, working throughout for the Patronal festival.

Monday, I started work on my graduation project.

Apart from two weeks at the end of August when I'm working with the National Youth Theatre, I will be spending my entire rest of the holidays, and then the first six weeks of my term, working on this research project. My few days in Bath are pretty much the only true holiday I'm going to get, and that's fine. I think my project is worth putting that time in.

So when I posted on a tech theatre forum here on the good ol' internet, asking for participants to be interviewed, I was hurt by the unexpected condemnation of several posters, telling me that my project was a waste of time, and that I must be a piss-poor stage manager to pursue it.

The title of my project is "Can LGBT professionals be 'out and proud' in technical theatre?"

Their claim was that backstage is free of any problems, no one cares as long as you do your job well. And I truly hope that by some miracle, that ends up being my conclusion. But it seems to be a reigning perception (I don't know whether my critics are straight/cisgendered or not), and it's shaken my faith.

Is it worth interviewing LGBT and non-LGBT technicians about the attitudes towards and the experiences of LGBT techies just to prove that the myth is true that backstage theatre it's a refuge of non-discrimination? Will I have wasted my time if it turns out that there are no issues?

On another note, seeing as I'm unlikely to give up and do something else even if it isn't worth it, if anyone reading this in Aug/Sept/Oct 2013 is or knows anyone working in technical theatre in the UK, tweet me @iamabisexual.